The Balancer
by Orant mihi
Summary: Ichigo suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder. His other self, Shirosaki, gets off by raping young women. When Shiro rapes the wrong person at the wrong time they end up in jail and get Mafia leader Aizen on their neck. AiIchiShiro warn: RAPE!yaoi
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Bleach and all its characters belong to Tite Kubo. I just happen to borrow them to put them into this twisted setting of madness. UGH.

**Warning: **Shocking mature content, dealing with rape, sexual harassment, depression, angst and heavy violence.

* * *

**THE BALANCER**

SINNER

* * *

He stared at the reflecting glass, narrowing his eyes, then relaxing his face again, taking in ever muscle in his face that moved, testing whether the reflection was really him. Suddenly his eyes widened and he bashed his fist into the reflection, shattering the glass and sending splinters flying around his ears. His eyes were still wide open, not caring that the sharp chips might dart into them.

He breathed heavily; his chest going up and down violently. His fist was still buried in the shattered material and blood trickled down through the sharp fragments.

A laugh echoed through his mind; it was faint, but not faint enough to be ignored. A constant hum in the back of his mind and it gave him the feeling that he was on the edge of a building, with the voice dancing around him teasingly, ready to push him off the edge at any moment it pleased.

The young man shut his eyes and slowly withdrew his fist. He tried to calm down and concentrate, but the laugh was still there; it seemed to laugh at his patheticness, at his pitifulness. The boy jerked his eyes open again and stared at the shattered mirror that was stained by his own blood. He tried catching what could still be reflected in the broken mess.

_Yeah, you're quite the looker_. The faint voice had become stronger now. _That's why they all throw themselves at your feet, but what's the fun in taking what is offered to you, ey? There's so much more fun in taking what is refused!_

The boy didn't answer. He'd learned to ignore _the other, _but every time was the same, the words always slipped into his conscience, every single word, every single meaning of the word he took in, clear as a crystal. There was no way stopping it. The poison seeped through them into his very being and couldn't be sucked out no matter how hard he tried.

He brought a trembling fist up and pressed it against his temple. The other seemed to have given him a break.

He lived alone as he thought he couldn't take any more company than himself. Being a college student, he really wasn't doing well. His concentration was out of sight most of the time and from time to time he'd disappear for several days.

Those were the days that the other would have taken over.

It was a nightmare he could never wake up from. There should have been a point that he'd accept his situation. Accept _himself_, but he couldn't. Not with the things the other did. It made him even fear sleep. As soon as he'd slip into darkness, the other would seize his chance to instantly take over the wheel.

He had tried to stay up for several days in a desperate attempt to get some rest from the other, but the other always seemed to walk hand in hand with his fatigue. He'd start whispering and laughing, making fun of him in his twisted and sadistic ways.

Before, the other would just tease him and roam around in the city, getting himself caught up with quite a few gang fights. This, he had accepted a long time ago. Nowadays something else had... occurred. The other had never told him, but somehow he just _knew_, as if the other made him realize in the depths of his mind.

He had assaulted someone; _raped _a young woman. Somehow he could remember everything of that tragic night. It was as if the other had shared his memories with him.

She was crying and he was breathing heavily in her neck as both her wrists were locked in a single hand. He thrust into her, violently and repeatedly. He remembered the blood that had trickled down her naked thighs, indicating she had been a virgin, but he hadn't given a shit. If anything, it might have made the other more violent. After he had spent in her, he had pulled his pants up and left without looking back even once.

When he had awoken the next day, he had completely trashed his room, sending smaller furniture flying and crashing into walls. He never regretted the complete wreckage; only regretted his own existence.

Later he was forced to move out and he had found this abandoned and quiet apartment. He was glad to have finally found solitude. The days that followed constantly had him on edge. He was certain that the police would have traced him by now, but almost two months had passed by and nothing had happened.

After those two months he knew the other had started again. He didn't share the events in form of memories anymore like the first time, but the young man had found several boxes with condoms and a new pair of gloves.

And that is what brought him here. All his anger piled up inside him. He had no one to turn to, only himself. He loathed himself whenever he caught his own reflection. He saw nothing, but a monster, a rapist. And it was true; he _was_ a monster and a rapist. He was also a coward, a _selfish_ coward. For the things he did, he knew the world was better off without him, but still he could never bring up the will to get rid of himself.

He forced his victims to suffer along with him.

The young man turned on the water and stripped himself. He peeled the glass splinters out of his knuckles and stepped into the shower. For now, he'd eagerly accept the moment of rest the other had given him.

* * *

**Beta reader: **Lady Amor de Fati

**Author notes: **I wonder if anyone still remembers this story. It used to be quite popular, having reached 239 reviews before I took everything down in fear of being banned due to its heavy mature content. That was about 2,5 years back. The idea to continue this story has been pestering my mind for a while now and after reading some drafts from years back I decided to revise everything (censoring the explicit mature content, fish out crappy errors) and re-upload it. I'm not yet sure how I'm going to edit the content, since to be honest, I'm not so much into yaoi and explicit sexual content anymore, but the plot still appeals to me very much and I feel quite dedicated to finish it. I can ensure you the plot won't be weakened by less explicit stuff, heh. If you do feel like reading the uncensored (but also older) version, you can visit my homepage through my profile. I'm not one for PWP, the older one wasn't PWP either, but with the revision I am certainly doing my best to improve the overall writing flow.

Oh, by the way, the mentioned characters in this chapter are Ichigo and his inner Hollow, but I'm sure most of you already figured that out. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

SINNER

* * *

His constant glances towards the clock only made himself more anxious, but he could not refrain himself from doing so. He wanted class to end quickly so he could get out of the crowded lecture hall. When the professor's dreadful speech finally came to an end, Ichigo jumped up from his seat and started to pack his stuff. In the corner of his eyes he noticed a small figure. He looked up to meet a short, dark haired girl's wide grin.

"Hey hotshot!" the girl greeted him enthusiastically. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

From the way she announced her question, it sounded like she was already expecting him to come along. This girl was Rukia Kuchiki; a fierce, young woman in one of the smallest adult bodies imaginable. Ichigo liked her in a friendly way and he was pretty sure it was a mutual friendship. It could only be mutual because Rukia did not know about his rampages at night.

No one knew.

He looked to her again as he threw his bag over his shoulder. It was not that he was doing anything tonight, but could he risk going out? He could never really get a grip on when to expect the other's appearance, but then again, the other usually appeared at night when he was asleep. So as long as he could stay awake, it should probably be alright.

_Probably. _

"Nothing in particular," Ichigo answered the girl and slightly smiled.

Rukia grinned broadly and grabbed his wrist, but as she noticed the bandages, her smile faltered. "What did you do?" she asked in worry and suspicion. Her dark eyebrows knitted together in a displeased manner. She made sure to examine her friend's face thoroughly.

"Oh," Ichigo answered sheepishly. "I… It's nothing. Just a little accident. Nothing you need to worry about." He gave her one of his ensuring smiles, hoping she'd drop the matter.

Rukia sighed and refrained from rolling her eyes. Her eyes turned to him intently. "You should be careful," she said and her stare hardened, "and don't shrug it off like it's nothing!"

The corner of Ichigo's mouth pulled, wanting to turn into a wry grin, but he withheld himself as he didn't want to make fun of her concern.

"Anyway," Rukia said, having put the matter behind her already, "you'll come pick me up then?" She chuckled and nudged Ichigo in his side, "In case some weirdo jumps me".

To her, the joke seemed sincerely amusing, but Ichigo's blood ran cold as he heard the words. He couldn't laugh. His head suddenly felt incredibly heavy and his throat felt so dry. The thought that Rukia assumed he would protect her from the likes, while in reality he was one of them, made him feel out of place here. He wasn't supposed to walk around freely. He was a threat to all women without them even knowing. That very fact made him even more dangerous.

Suddenly he wasn't so sure whether it was a good idea to go out with Rukia. What if the other would come out? He angrily shook the thoughts off. He should allow himself just this once… If he could bring Rukia back early it should be fine.

The short girl looked up at him. "You're always so serious, Ichigo," she remarked rather grimly.

"Sorry, can't help it," Ichigo shrugged. What else was there to say to such a remark? "Is it okay if I pick you up at seven?"

Rukia blinked in amazement. "That early? I was thinking of something like clubbing, really."

Ichigo fell quiet. Fear clutched him as he silently weighed the possible consequences.

"C'mon! It'll be fun!" Rukia exclaimed as she saw Ichigo's expression change. "You never go out! Just this once, it'll be fun, you dork!"

Ichigo frowned and refrained himself from rubbing his neck. Should he go?

_C'mon, all the hot ladies! Who'd pass that up?! _

Ichigo's face stiffened. "I think I'll pass..."

Rukia almost screamed. "Why?" she demanded angrily.

"I'm… not very good with crowded spaces," he hesitantly said, which wasn't entirely a lie. All that fighting with his other all his life had made him rather introverted.

"Then it's clearly time to work at it," the dark haired girl stated, her voice leaving no room for objections.

Ichigo let out a whine in protest, but the gesture was more of a sign to show Rukia that he was reluctant about his choice. He knew better than to contradict Rukia and she was right in a way, although it was dangerous, if he could keep his mind clear and go home early it should be fine.

_Don't you dare come out tonight, _he warned in his mind.

A mere, amused snort was the reply he received.

* * *

Ichigo's thoughts were everywhere except on the article before him. He heaved a deep sigh and threw his head back in neck to blankly stare at the monotonous ceiling. If he wanted to get some kind of degree he had to at least finish his assignments. The orange haired male forced himself back to the paper on his desk, but just as he was finally getting into the text, the doorbell rang. To the bright haired adolescent the sound was unusually loud and in start he accidentally threw his pen away.

"Jeez, it's only the doorbell," he muttered to himself as he got out of his chair.

_It must be Rukia_, he absentmindedly thought to himself. Halfway through his apartment he suddenly realized that he was supposed to pick Rukia up and not the other way around. The male instantly froze in his tracks and looked to his door in shock. Who was on the other side of the door? Could it be the police? Had they finally caught up to him? Panic grabbed hold of him and his heartbeat noticeably accelerated.

_Quit your whining and open up, _the other unexpectedly said. _You'll only seem suspicious if you hesitate. _

The other's chuckle echoed through his mind, causing Ichigo to momentarily forget about his anxiety and feel frustration instead. He scowled deeply and felt the sudden urge to punch something, or more specifically: punch _him._ But that thought was instantly cast aside as it was an impossible matter. He could never physically reach the other as he was only a mental entity.

By the time he had reached the door his palms were covered in sweat. He prayed that it was Rukia or someone else, but he knew all too well that praying was of no use for sinners like himself. With a deep breath he put his hand on the doorknob and let it rest there for several moments. In his mind he could already hear the other scold his insecurity, but it stayed surprisingly quiet inside his head. He imagined the other would be nervous for the revelation of the party behind the door as well.

Ichigo forced the most neutral expression he could make on his face and braced himself to open the door. In a controlled motion he pushed down the knob and pulled the door towards himself. His breath faltered when he saw the pretty, feminine figure with an impressive chest before him.

"_Orihime_?" he voiced in utter surprise. As soon as the moment of amazement passed him, he noticed the sad expression on her fair face. "What happened?" he immediately enquired with a firm voice.

Her misty, large eyes slowly turned up to look at him; they were filled with disbelief and grief and silently told Ichigo that she could not believe what he had just asked her. Ichigo's grip on the doorknob tightened and his mind raced to come with an answer why she would give him that look.

"I..." Orihime suddenly spoke, but her voice quickly died and her cheeks coloured a deep, crimson shade of red. Was it embarrassment or nervousness that made her fail to speak her mind?

"Yes?" Ichigo encouraged her.

Suddenly it occurred to him that she was still standing in the hall. He quickly stepped aside so she could enter, but the young woman clearly hesitated to oblige to his silent invitation. Her moment of hesitation made Ichigo feel even more uncomfortable, but he was relieved to see her continue inside eventually.

Orihime looked out of place in the sober apartment; she seemed too normal and nice to be in such a despicable place. The woman quietly looked around her.

"Would you like something to drink?"

Ichigo's voice seemed to have startled her. Orihime quickly looked up to him, but then changed her mind and averted her eyes again. She nodded silently, assuming _he _would look at her and catch her silent answer. He did.

The orange haired male moved to the small kitchen and poured some fruit juice in a glass for his guest. The occurrence of Orihime visiting him was so odd to him that he did not know what to think of the matter. When he came back into the living room he saw that the girl had already seated herself on the old couch. Ichigo placed the juice in front of her on the wooden block that had to pass as a coffee table. Without a word, he took a place on a single stool somewhere diagonally from her. It was so awfully quiet that Ichigo contemplated talking about the bees and birds to break the uncomfortable silence between them, but before he could do that, Orhime finally spoke.

"…I'm pregnant."

Every cell in Ichigo's body came to a halt and he slowly turned his eyes to look to her. What did she just say? Pregnant...? Orihime was _pregnant_? His eyes grew to a remarkable large size as the meaning of the words started to dawn upon him. He swallowed hard; it was like sand scouring down his throat. His mind offered him all sort of thoughts and excuses, but they couldn't cover up the one thing he was really afraid of.

The other always used a condom, at least that's what he claimed. Except… the very first time; the only time that he himself had also vaguely experienced the crime. Suddenly he realized with a painful throb that the only thing he couldn't recall from the intercourse was the girl's face. _It had been Orihime? _he thought in utter disgust with himself. He felt like vomiting for forcing such a despicable act on a completely innocent girl. _A friend_. The thought made him want to shoot himself through his head.

He wanted to say something, anything, just to acknowledge that he had heard her, but he could not convey one word. His lips trembled and his mind went blank.

"Y-You… It's also yours," Orihime suddenly said, her voice was a soft sound, but to Ichigo it had been the loudest statement he had ever heard.

Somewhere along the line he had expected that sentence, but _hearing_ it was a whole different thing to experience. Ichigo's eyes grew large and he dropped his gaze, unable to face Orihime any longer. He had _raped_ Orihime Inoue...

"It's... mine?" Ichigo asked weakly, but immediately regretted his words. He didn't want to raise the impression that he didn't feel responsible for the unborn child. With forced determination he snapped his eyes up to look at the devastated girl before him. "I mean…" he rephrased, trying to comfort the young woman, "I did not mean to..." his voice died as he realized he did not know what to say. There was nothing to say, was there? He had raped her. Therefore he had no rights to even try and comfort her. Yet he felt that it would be the right thing to do as her eyes told him she was afraid, but still hopeful...

Hopeful for what?

Suddenly Ichigo wondered if she was willing to keep the child. Did _he _want the child? Did he even have any say in this? He figured not, since he took her by force to begin with. Again there was that heavy feeling in his head. He fought the urge to let his head fall into his hands. He had to put on a comforting frame now for Orihime, make sure that she could… that she could what? Trust him? He mentally sneered at himself in loathing. He heaved a soundless sigh before raising his eyes up to meet hers.

"I'm so sorry, Orihime," Ichigo finally managed to croak out with a hoarse voice.

This was truly pathetic. He couldn't just set this straight with an apology. The least she deserved was an explanation, but he couldn't tell her about his sick frenzy; no one could know that. Keeping it a secret was the only thing that kept him from going straight to prison. Although legal punishment might be what he deserved. Perhaps it would be time to turn himself in...

"I'm going to keep it," Orihime suddenly said with a firm voice, pulling Ichigo from his thoughts and startling him with the impact of the decision.

He snapped his head up and directly looked her in the eyes, amazed and unconsciously relieved.

"I just thought you should know," Orihime added less firmly and her eyes trailed over the floor, dodging his. She did not appear to be as anxious as before anymore.

This girl had shown an incredible amount of will-power, something Ichigo had pathetically lacked up till now. She was a person he should look up to, and he would. The young man rose to his feet with strange sense of renewed determination, causing Orihime to look up to him in hesitation and expectation.

"Orihime," he said gently, but his face felt so tense that he thought his skin was going to snap, "are you seeing someone now?"_ What kind of idiotic question is that? _he asked himself, but at the moment, he knew no other way to format it.

Orihime's bright, grey eyes, which had been misty up till now, cleared up a bit. She did not seem to find the question idiotic at all. In fact, she looked relieved to hear the words. Slowly the girl shook her head, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Then... would you," Ichigo uttered, he could hardly get the words out of his throat, completely being pulverized by his own shame and self-contempt, "would you allow me to help you?"

Orihime's lips started to tremble and a thick tear rolled down her face. Ichigo watched as red flushed her nose and eyes. She broke down, throwing her head between her knees. Muffled sobs emerged from between her legs.

Ichigo just stood there; he felt something inside him snap. This was all his fault. He was torn between the choice to take her into his arms or just stay the hell away, because he was the cause of her grief in the first place. It took all his will-power to stay where he was and watch her weep by herself. He felt like he had to explain things to her, why he had raped her, but he couldn't come up with a decent replacement for the 'other'. He didn't know what to say, so he decided to keep quiet.

"I had lost myself," he said after a while. "I've never…. regretted anything more in my whole life."

Orihime's sobbing subdued a little, indicating that she was listening to him.

"You can turn me in to the police and I'll confess everything. If you want to raise the child having a father, I'll take full responsibility and stay. I would stay, Orihime..." Ichigo could feel the emotions consume him, making his throat sore and stuffy at the same time.

Did he even have the right to tell her this? Wouldn't this account as an assailant's manipulation?

She looked up to him with bloodshed eyes. He read relief and forgiveness in her eyes; something he did not deserve at all. He hadn't even given her a valid reason why he had raped her. Then again, there was no such thing as a _valid _reason to rape someone.

"Can I move in with you?" Orihime hiccoughed through her tears.

_Move in? _The question made Ichigo panic. He needed his solitude because no one was allowed to see the other. But if he was going to raise a child with Orihime, then it would be only natural that she'd move in. Now that it had come this far, he had to fight even harder to get rid of this… nuisance.

He heard a disdaining chuckle softly in the back of his mind, reacting to his last thought.

"Yeah," he heard himself answer to Orihime's request while he beat down his own anxiety, "that would be a good idea."

* * *

**Beta reader: **Lady Amor de Fati

**Author notes:** That makes the revised, second chapter. Not much has changed as you can see. Especially the first parts until Orihime arrives into the room consist of many reformed sentences and wordings (in total the chapter was also lengthened with 900+ words). The main reason why the last part has less reformed sentences is probably because... it's almost midnight –my eyes are falling close due to sleepiness- and I wanted to pump out an update before the weekends ends. Otherwise it would take another week before I can update and that would be a shame.

So I hope you enjoyed the chapter, regardless of the last parts where less revision has been going on. Thanks a lot for your supports! I wanted to reply to your reviews, but I'm so tired at the moment... Please, if I may be so bold to ask; do continue posting reviews! They are so nice always... Thanks again for your support!


	3. Chapter 3

SINNER

* * *

The air outside was refreshing and chilly against his skin. People passed him without looking up. Ichigo supposed that from the outside he looked like any other adolescent. With his hands buried deeply in his pockets, he walked Orihime to the subway. He hadn't said much on their way there and neither had she. The tension between the pair was obvious, making Ichigo feel uncomfortable to be around Orihime. He was aware that this kind of atmosphere between them shouldn't be if they were to live together, but with all that had happened, and re-confirmed, he had so much on his mind that he just couldn't start a conversation with her. In no way could he pretend nothing had happened between them and talk about trivial matters and he couldn't bring up the important matters in public either.

"I guess we're here," Ichigo finally said, breaking the awkward silence between them. He hesitantly smiled to Orihime.

Orihime shyly returned the smile, as if they had just met today. "Thank you, Ichigo." The tone in her voice was sincere. She seemed genuinely grateful for his presence.

Ichigo dodged her gaze while she said these words. He felt terrible; someone like him didn't deserve gratitude. In fact, if there was anything he deserved, it probably was Hell itself after all he had put her through. "There's nothing to thank me for," he muttered and fixated his gaze on the tracks of the tube. After a long pause, he took a deep breath and quietly added, "I'm sorry". _So sorry. _

She nervously smiled, but the gesture went lost to him. "N-No, I'm glad," she stuttered. "Everything worked out in the end." A moment of silence passed, before Orihime made up her mind and grabbed Ichigo's hand, startling the male with her sudden action. "Ichigo," she softly said, "I have always liked you very much."

Ichigo felt an iron claw grasp his heart. Had The Other known this? Had he _used _Orihime's affection to trick and rape her? His stomach churned, making him want to vomit on the cold tiles underground right here.

"Ichigo?" Orihime asked in concern. She waved her hand before his face when he showed no reaction.

The movement made Ichigo snap out of his thoughts and quickly look to Orihime. What did she say again? Oh, yes; she liked him. He unconsciously cast his eyes down and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I like you too, Orihime."

Did he really? Or was it just his guilty conscious speaking up? He didn't know. He had never considered her in a romantic way, yet before he even had the chance; it had already come to this because of The Other's hideous actions.

"I... I am glad, Ichigo," Orihime said and she smiled; it was a peaceful sight.

Ichigo's face twisted in self-loathing. How could she be so calm over the situation? He was her assailant; she should _hate_ him. Why were they holding hands like they had always been lovers? This was not a healthy turn of events. Yet... what else was she supposed to do? Get an abortion? Turn him in? She didn't want any of that. Orihime had clearly stated she was going to keep the baby, regardless of Ichigo taking responsibility. And they had been close friends before any of this happened. The Other had despicably used that trust between them!

Suddenly delicate arms wrapped around his frame. Only now did Ichigo realize how his body had been trembling in anger. Without a word, he leaned his head against Orihime's soft, auburn locks, smelling her sweet scent. The longer they stayed in this position the more anger did Ichigo feel towards himself. How had he become so weak to depend on Orihime's comfort after all she had gone through? It had to be the other way around. Ichigo ground his molars in frustration. He was pathetic. Disgusting and despicable.

How could someone like him ever become a good example to the unborn-child?

"Please don't be angry," Orihime softly spoke.

Ichigo felt the tension release from his jaw; her words were soothing. Carefully he removed himself from her embrace. "I'm sorry. I didn't intend to make you worry." He rubbed over his temple. "How are you feeling?"

The metro arrived and swept Ichigo's last question away with its screeching noise. The firm wind it stirred blew Orihime's long locks against Ichigo's face, making the young woman laugh at the sight. Ichigo couldn't help but smile when she did.

"I guess that's your ride," he said.

"Yeah," Orihime agreed. She hesitated for a moment, but then wrapped her arms around Ichigo again to hug him tightly. "I will call you soon, Ichigo."

"Please do that," he replied as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her back. It struck him as strange he could feel nervous touching her while his body had actually done far more explicit things to her already. "Let me know how you are doing as often as you can."

"Thank you, Ichigo," she muttered against his chest, her breath hot.

Again there was this misplaced gratitude. Ichigo closed his eyes in guilt.

* * *

Ichigo crawled onto his bed in exhaustion and heaved a deep sigh. Orihime was pregnant. With his child. The words kept repeating themselves in his mind, over and over again, but the true meaning did not dawn upon him. Seven months from now there was going to be a Kurosaki Junior. A helpless infant that was going to need care, a stable environment to grow up in. Something he couldn't possibly offer.

He was the least emotionally stable person in their whole family. Ever since The Other had come into his life he had tried so many ways to get rid of it, including therapy and throwing himself from the stairs to knock himself out. None of it had worked. Even though his father and sisters thought of The Other as part of him and harmless, nothing of that was true, but they didn't know and it was probably better that way.

One of his doctors had called The Other an inner demon; he concluded that Ichigo had been possessed. And Ichigo thought he was the nutcase. Therapy had long become a taboo for him. Ever since The Other started committing crimes, Ichigo was too frightened to even set foot into any professional location. One slip of a tongue could lead to him rotting his life away in prison. No. He couldn't ever visit a therapist or doctor again.

Compared with a few years back, the blackouts had become less, but the actions The Other committed were far more severe. Ichigo's life was filled with fear for the police. One day they were surely going to track him down and make him pay for all the grief he had caused. For justice would surely be done. But now Orihime was going to move in. What if the police would one day come and take him away? They would take the child's father away. He could feel the pain of such a tragic event already. Orihime would be left behind with her assailant's child. No, she didn't view him as her assailant...

Her strong belief in him should be enough reason to keep fighting.

He bit the cushion in frustration. Wouldn't it be time to try something new again to keep The Other away? He had pretty much given up trying to keep him at bay, but with the new turn of events, he couldn't afford to just quietly sit by and let everything happen.

Ichigo jumped up from the bed and grabbed his laptop. He wasn't going to wait for things to change anymore; he was going to _make _them change. His right knee jerked in a repeated, nervous motion as he scrolled through the Internet pages. When he had found what he was looking for, he scribbled down an address on a small, torn piece of paper and grabbed his jacket to head out.

The stair steps moaned under his weight, making Ichigo wonder when these old steps would give in and cause someone to fall through them. He pulled the door close firmly behind him and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and made his way to the address scribbled down on the paper.

He enjoyed the walk through the city. The refreshing air, the gentle breeze against his face; it made him forget about his worries for just the slightest moment. He stopped before a sex shop and almost instinctively lowered his head, afraid to be recognized by anyone in front of such an immoral place. Several adult toys were displayed without a hint of shame; they made Ichigo feel embarrassed for them. Ichigo's cheeks glowered hotly as he pushed the door open and entered the shop with hesitant steps. His hazel eyes shot around the place, quickly taking in his environment before someone could catch him doing so. Inside the air was muffled, making Ichigo doubt the place was regularly vented. He pulled his nose as he walked straight to the cash desk. The cashier was a young girl who seemed completely unaffected by all the embarrassing objects around her.

Ichigo cleared his throat to get her attention. "Excuse me."

She seemed surprised by his appearance, which was not strange to Ichigo; the loud music must have overruled his footsteps. She grinned to him, her cheeks turned rosy. "Hello! How can I help you?"

"I am looking for a... uh..." He scratched his orange locks in embarrassment. "Uhm... Never mind, I'll just have a look around first." What the heck was he doing? He was so used to going to a reception desk first that he had not considered the indiscreetness of this business.

"Are you sure? There's nothing to be embarrassed about, you know. I get tons of customers a day. If I can be of any help, then please do ask." The girl seemed eager to get him to talk.

Ichigo looked at her, contemplating whether he would able to survive the humiliation or not. "Well, I am looking for a... chastity belt. Not for myself of course!"

The girl chuckled over his loud denial. "This way, please."

Ichigo quickly followed her and stole some glances at the couples in the shop. Immediately he thought of Orihime and himself. If she knew he was here, she would hate even more for sure.

The girl had led him to the S/M category, Ichigo realized with deep shame. "Uh, yes. Thank you very much." He looked the several chains over until the girl called him again. He had thought she would have left already, but was disappointed to see otherwise.

"Here are the belts for women," she announced and made a hand gesture to the leather-strapped belts.

This was truly insane.

"Yes, thank you," Ichigo said and forced a smile on his face. "Now if you'd please excuse me?"

"Yes, of course!" Again there was that cheeky grin on her face. "If you have any questions, don't hesitate to give a holler." She turned on her heels and walked back to her desk.

Ichigo took a deep breath and looked around him, making sure no was looking at him. He grabbed one of the chastity belts for men and turned it around to study the object. The belt considered completely from a shimmering kind of metal and felt cold in his hands. There was a lock attached to it, which seemed completely ridiculous to Ichigo, but also perfect for his situation.

This thing... around his genitals.

He looked around him once more, hoping no one was paying attention to him. His eyes caught a changing room at the end of the shop. He should probably try it on, to test if he could fit his package into it. But if he'd go into the fitting room, wouldn't the cashier realize he actually wasn't shopping for someone else? Ah, what the heck. There were more important things at stake than his reputation.

Ichigo hurried to the fitting room, hugging the belt against him, hoping no one would see what he took inside the small cabin. Once inside, he could feel the heat of the lamps burn on his scalp, making him perspire already. The youth let out a breath in wear and looked up at his reflection. _Monster. Rapist. _Ichigo's fists clenched, making the belt creak under the pressure. _No more. _He shook his head and concentrated on the metal object in his hands. How did one put on such a thing? He loosely held the belt against his crotch, but it was obvious it wasn't designed to fit around jeans. Ichigo nervously unbuckled his jeans and pulled them down together with his boxers. Who else had tried this particular belt on? Disgusting.

* * *

Later in his apartment Ichigo could only stare at the box on his desk. _Chastity belt; _a belt to prevent the wearer from rape temptation. Would it really work? There was only one way to finding out. The male got up from his bed and started unpacking the box, hating every moment of it. He had purchased the same model as the one he had fitted in the store. Only difference was that his version wasn't a disgusting, gold colour; it was a plain grey.

Suddenly his phone rang, the loud sound making Ichigo gasp in start and drop the belt. Right on his toe. Ichigo cried out in pain and cursed under his breath. With an aggressive motion, he grabbed his cell phone to see who had startled him so. _Rukia. _Oh, that's right. He was supposed to pick her up. He had completely forgotten about their 'date'. Like he still wanted to go clubbing after all that had happened today. Ichigo snorted in irk and picked up the phone.

* * *

**Author notes:** That's the third, revised chapter of this insane series! Hope you liked it and thank you for sticking along! Pretty much rewrote the whole chapter with the same plotlines. Just didn't like how it sounded before.

*Scrathes head* I'm not sure whether I've replied to the reviews already or not, if I had; sorry for being so repetitive, lol. I just want to make sure you'll all know how much I love it when readers take the time to leave a review. It is very rewarding to update!

_Voluptuous_ :.: Thanks so much for leaving a review. They always make me happy to update for the readers! I'm very delighted to hear that you are enjoying the story! And yes, it's terrible what happened to Orihime. I don't know what I was thinking three years back :P

_Lady Amor de Fati_ :.: I am quite certain I have replied to you! Haha. Your memory hasn't played tricks on you, but shh... haha.

_Child of the Ashes_ :.: Love your penname, very poetic. Thank you for your nice words. I certainly will continue revising the old chapters and eventually –hopefully- be able to complete the story.


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